Progress

A little less than six months ago, I decided it was time for me to "wake up".  I have been meandering around for most of my adult life, never really being serious about any job or career.  While I was married, I was too busy working to pay bills to worry about being "fulfilled".  A job was a job was a job.  I had lived that way for so long that it eventually became my mentality.  It wasn't until I left my ex, and filed for divorce, that I realized how much time I had allowed to slip away.  

I found myself repeating the same patterns with work; going from job to job and never finding anything that made me happy.  I was in a rut.  Then, a miracle happened, and Oklahoma passed SQ 788.  Medical Marijuana opened up a whole new world of opportunity for me.  I decided I wanted to be in Cannabis, so I tried as hard as I could to get hired somewhere.  I thought it would be an exciting and enriching career; most Cannabis consumers are pretty awesome people.  Being awesome is a well-known side effect of the sweet Mary Jane, after all.  So, I started pounding the pavement; I applied everywhere I saw a green cross or a pot leaf.  There was a new thing called a "Budtender", and I was going to be one.  Or die trying.

I managed to snag a Budtender job, relatively quickly, and dove right into the world of Sativa, Indica and Terpenes.  I found it fascinating and informative, and I flourished for a while.  Learning all the different cannabinoids and their effect on human physiology intrigued me and offered a glimpse into the wider world of plant medicines.  Understanding that CBG can soothe anxiety, improve appetite, and protect nerve cells from further damage, or that CBN can help with sleep, is anti-inflammatory and anti-fungal is helpful and beneficial to our health.  Knowing the best consumption method for each Medical Marijuana patient's specific needs is valuable information to have.  I loved learning about and teaching others about Cannabis.  I was, and still am, very good at it.  I loved being a Budtender and still do.  But there are things about the Medical Cannabis industry that leave a lot to be desired.

First, the Cannabis industry is a little misogynistic.  Sex sells, and Cannabis dispensary owners know it.  Now, because Cannabis is awesome and all, you might say it could sell itself.  Everybody likes the ganja, right?  Sure, but the dispensary owners have to get consumers in the door to buy their product, so they use bait.  The bait is usually in the form of a young, lovely lady showing off the buds like Vanna White.  Cute faces, short skirts and long eyelashes have sold more weed than brains ever did.  Medical Cannabis did not become legal in Oklahoma until June of 2018, when I was already 43 years old.  My age made it difficult for me to compete for Budtending jobs at first.  Everyone wanted cute, young women to be the face of their dispensaries.  Youthful, contemporary people were the new face of business, suddenly, and everyone had to be hip and youth culture forward.  I started to worry I would never fit in anywhere.   

Then, there was the matter of industry experience.  All of these dispensaries were popping up everywhere, needing help, but only wanted to hire Budtenders with experience.  I am not sure where they thought a ready workforce would come from in a heretofore prohibition state, but that's the way it was.  Nobody seemed to believe I could be taught, or trained, or even had any relevant life experience to sell weed.  I tried and tried, and could not get hired anywhere, because I did not have the experience anyone wanted.  Budtender training seminars became a thing, offering Budtender Certification and the knowledge necessary to succeed in front-of-house dispensary operations.  Those were usually held at conference rooms in fancy hotels.  They ranged in price from $250 all the way up to more than $1000!  I chose to attend one of these seminars, on the cheaper end, of course.  I think my tuition was $275.  I learned everything I needed to know to be a great Budtender in a Medical Marijuana dispensary and earned my certificate.  That was in August of 2019.  Almost immediately, I was offered a Budtender position at a local Medical Marijuana dispensary.  

Once I made it on the "inside" I found that there are problems within the industry, just like any job.  There are issues of sexism, equal pay and nepotism.  The "clique" mentality is out of control.  There are Cannabis business owners who refuse to follow the law, and some who care nothing for their staff and cheat them out of tips and wages.  There are few dispensaries that pay the correct taxes, or any in some cases, on their employees.  There are dispensary owners who just expect their staff to break rules to make sales, as their only worry is the bottom line.  Budtenders are rarely offered benefits, such as health insurance or 401K.  There are Cannabis business owners who are not Cannabis consumers or have any personal experience with the benefits of the plant. Those guys are only in the business to make money, and couldn't care less about "medicinal benefits" and plant medicine.  I had to learn my way around in the industry.  I had to figure out how to make it work.  And I did.

I learned how to adapt in what I found to be a somewhat volatile industry.  Dispensaries were opening and closing all over the city in record time.  Your favorite spot would be there one day, gone the next.  I went through a few very illegal and unsteady jobs but eventually found a Cannabis business that was solid.  They offered benefits!  They operated completely legally!  They were stable, vertically integrated, a dream come true.  I had made it.  I took this opportunity by the horns and ran with it.  I used the knowledge I gained at the Budtender training seminar and exploded onto the scene as a top Budtender.  I was knowledgeable, friendly, empathetic.  I understand the properties and benefits of Cannabis, and I am able to educate others.  I was popular, and soon gained "regulars", Cannabis patients who only came to see me.  I was so good at Budtending, I was awarded Budtender of the Year in 2022.  I was at the top of my game, and I felt fantastic.  But the industry started changing, again.

The fabulous company I had been working for decided to take on new investors.  Those investors decided to make changes that some of the staff, including myself, did not agree with.  I ended up parting ways with them, somewhat negatively.  But I had only been working in Cannabis since 2019 and wanted to stay in the industry.  I went through about six months of unsuccessful searching to find another Cannabis company that could compare to the one I left unceremoniously.  I found a company six months ago and have been working with them since.  But I have come to realize that I have reached a ceiling with Budtending. This is a volatile and unpredictable industry.  The only way to really make a future out of it is to be an owner.  Budtending or dispensary management is about as far as someone like me can go here.  And Cannabis as a job is starting to lose its luster for me.  

So, that got me thinking.  And that thinking brought me back, once again, to writing.  I have never really pursued writing with full gusto, because I have so many self-esteem and confidence issues.  But I think it's time to put that self-doubt away, because I have more important things to worry about now.  I am now responsible for my Mom, as she is in her declining years.  I want to be able to provide for her when the time comes for home care.  And I want to buy a home.  How can I do these things on $15 an hour?  I came to the conclusion that I need a degree.  So, I decided to check into starting college.

I made this decision shortly after my 49th birthday.  A little less than six months ago.  

I applied and was accepted at Oklahoma City Community College.  I started in the Spring semester, because I wanted to begin right away.  I didn't want to lose my nerve by waiting.  I applied for financial aid and was granted awards.  I am now in pursuit of my Associate of Arts, which I will then transfer to a Bachelor program for Creative Writing.  I have decided to wake up and do what I should have done ages ago.  I have decided to do what I should have been doing all along, BEING TRUE TO ME.  I have always wanted to write.  I have always been good with words.  I want to share my thoughts with the world, and I want the world to answer.  I want to engage in discourse with the world.  I want to share ideas, learn new things and conquer fear and doubt.  I am convinced I am going to make it.  

I just wanted to share my progress.  I wanted to put the feelings somewhere.  I wanted to show that growth is possible even in the face of self-doubt.  I am proud of myself for taking these steps to secure the future that I want.  Even if it is a little on the tardy side.  Progress is progress, and as long as I am making some, it will be all good.