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A little less than six months ago, I decided it was time for me to "wake up".  I have been meandering around for most of my adult life, never really being serious about any job or career.  While I was married, I was too busy working to pay bills to worry about being "fulfilled".  A job was a job was a job.  I had lived that way for so long that it eventually became my mentality.  It wasn't until I left my ex, and filed for divorce, that I realized how much time I had allowed to slip away.   I found myself repeating the same patterns with work; going from job to job and never finding anything that made me happy.  I was in a rut.  Then, a miracle happened, and Oklahoma passed SQ 788.  Medical Marijuana opened up a whole new world of opportunity for me.  I decided I wanted to be in Cannabis, so I tried as hard as I could to get hired somewhere.  I thought it would be an exciting and enriching career; most Cannabis consumers are pr...
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Recent posts
 49 I just turned forty-nine years old, the day before yesterday. Forty-nine.  Fooouuurrrtyyy. Nine.  I am forty-nine years old.  Half a century.  Is there supposed to be a hyphen in forty-nine? The words themselves, "forty" and "nine" hold no real meaning, other than quantifications of a thing or things.  In this case, a quantification of years; years spent on this planet, in this skin, with this mind and these memories and experiences.  But, does forty-nine equal experienced, that is, knowledgeable and wise?  To be honest, it does not feel like the equation pans out.  So far, forty-nine just means forty-nine.  Half a century.   So, it was my birthday on Friday; so, I turned forty-nine.  The whole situation seems unreal to me.  I am kinda wondering what happened, exactly.  I don't remember slipping this far down the timeline.  What was I doing, and where have I been?  It is amazing how hard my life is ...
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Time to Write

 Okay.  It's time to write.  Everything.   I gotta just do it. I have had these words draped around me for so long that they will simply drown me if I do not let them go. I have so much to say, but my physical voice is not an adequate conveyance mechanism, and has failed to reach even the closest ears.  Other human beings completely fail to understand me, as if I speak another language.  I have been struggling with a way to express myself clearly, to share myself with the world and create positive connections.   I keep returning to the creative concept of writing.  I have experienced a multitude of things, good and bad; I have a unique point of view and catalog  of experiences, and I may just be able to help someone else with my words.  Writing will be the form of expression in which I finally find a voice that is audible, above the noise of doubt.   I have actually been writing for years, but am not sure if I've been...
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 Tell  Me About Yourself "Tell me about yourself," she said.  I stared at her blankly.  To be honest, I had forgotten her name.  I think it was Donna.  We'll say it was Donna.   Immediately, tears began streaming down my cheeks.  I gaped at Donna for a moment, embarrassed at my reaction, choked, unsure what to say.  "I really don't know how to answer that, " I eventually mumbled, looking down at my hands.   I needed the job, at the ice cream store, and this interview was important.  I was sure I had blown it.  Fortunately, Donna recognized how necessary this job was for me, and she gave me a chance.  She saved my life at that time.  It was 2016.  It was the year I left my husband. I had been married for the past 19 years, and with the same man for 20.  I had been a wife, a sister in law, a daughter in law, a daughter, and all of the things that go along with being married.  My identity had not...
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